Night Whispers
by sandymg
Summary: Coda for 4x09. Arthur and Merlin share a moment at night's end.


**Night Whispers**

The flickering candlelight haloed around the king like honey set ablaze. His back curved and his head down, Arthur emanated quiet pain. Merlin stood in the doorway blinking back tears and pressing his fingernails into his palm to keep from stepping forward. His king needed time. He'd lost the woman he thought he'd marry. His queen. He lost a good friend. Again. But watching Arthur hurt set Merlin's magic itching inside his skin.

"I know you're there. You can stop skulking."

Merlin sucked in a deep breath and moved out of the shadows into the large chamber's light. "I don't skulk."

"True. You're too noisy for that. Even your breathing is loud." Arthur took his own slow breath. "Well, what do you want?"

"To see how you were," Merlin replied honestly.

Arthur stood, back straightening, countenance hardening with stubborn pride. "I'm fine. As you can see. If that's all then you can go."

"Arthur … "

"No, Merlin. Please … I just … It's done. You saw her go off."

"Yes, I … " Merlin stopped. "How did you know that?"

Arthur was quiet for a long moment and Merlin thought perhaps there'd be no answer. "I saw you," he replied finally, voice low. "I watched you watch her."

The words sat with Merlin. He thought of all the times he'd watched Arthur and Guinevere when they hadn't realized it. His face colored as memories flashed. Dark blue eyes clashed with his. Arthur's stoicism was legendary. But his eyes usually told Merlin everything. There was pain and anger and something sadder than both burning in them now.

He wanted to help. Needed to do something to make it better. "Perhaps in time … "

Arthur waved a hand in dismissal cutting Merlin off. "You saw to our old friend."

"Personally, as you requested."

Merlin let the pain flow through and out of him. Lancelot's last breathless honest gaze danced behind his eyes. He couldn't share that with Arthur. One more on the endless list of things Arthur would never know.

"She loved him first," Arthur said.

A step brought Merlin close enough to squeeze Arthur's arm and speak the words directly into his eyes. "But she loved you more."

The blue lightened to a shade of seawater, undulating and fathomless in their wounded depths. "Did she?"

"Of course. How could she not?" The words burst from Merlin without restraint. He swallowed air and stepped back because he hadn't meant to reveal so much. Lancelot was a noble and great man. But Arthur had no comparison in Merlin's mind.

Arthur was everything.

When Merlin looked back up, the space between himself and his king had shrunk again. "You know Merlin, she was not the only one with choices to make. With actions one should not … cannot take. And yet I … "

Merlin stared in wonder at the rawness he hardly got to see. He ached to reach out and hold and lock them up in a bubble where the impossible was okay. Because Arthur didn't need to tell him this. Didn't need to voice what Merlin had known down to his soul.

" … I would have married her. I would have made her a good husband. Made her my queen."

"I know, Arthur." He met his eyes once more forcing himself to be as honest as Arthur had just been. "I know."

Reaching forward Arthur squeezed Merlin's shoulder once, hand lingering just long enough to remind Merlin of his strength. Merlin then did something he hardly did and indulged himself just once by reaching up and cupping Arthur's hand where it pressed against him. "Get some rest, Arthur."

Arthur retreated and Merlin let the coolness wash over him. At the edge of his bed Arthur spun back around. "Where will you be?"

It should have been odd. Arthur hardly cared where Merlin laid down to rest. But Merlin heard so much more than a simple question. "Here." Merlin opened his arms wide encompassing the room and beyond. "With you."

Always.

Arthur's lips turned up in a small smile. It was tiny but it reached his eyes and led to an equally small smile upon Merlin's lips. Silently Merlin sat in the room's high-backed chair flanking the window. He wouldn't stay long. Just until Arthur fell asleep. And then maybe a little longer. Wasn't the first time he watched his king sleep. And it wouldn't be the last.

"Breathe quieter," came a grumble from under a mound of blankets.

This time the smile reached Merlin's eyes as well.

_**fin**_


End file.
